Facing Fear
Welcome to the #stylemecommunity Riley. Thank you for sharing your story with us.
Name: Riley | TN | Connect: Instagram | Facebook | Website
I moved to Nashville in the summer of 2018. It was prompted by the need to get away from a frightening experience I had with a male who stalked me back home. I had my other reasons but my fear of being found, attacked or worse- haunted me regularly and it motivated me to get as far away as possible.
Only a month after moving to Tennessee I met the love of my life, Dustin, my now husband of 2.5 years. It didn’t take me long to notice the way he.. um.. adjusted himself every time he got in or out of a vehicle. After a few conversations where he proudly told me about his passion for the 2nd Amendment and the educating that he was doing at his work, selling firearms, I quickly put two and two together and realized that he carried on the daily. I didn’t really know what to do with that information. It made me feel safer being around him, especially given my fear that my stalker would find me in my new home and I had virtually zero weapons on me.
I don’t even think I was carrying pepper spray at the time- and that was definitely before I learned the difference between spray and gel. The idea of being around a firearm scared me, but it also intrigued me. I had a feeling that if we stayed together he would eventually want me to start practicing with him and getting more comfortable; my hunch was correct. Obviously we stayed together and I won’t lie, the first few years around this subject were tense. It wasn’t that I was against carrying, I was just against it for myself. I felt like I would never truly be educated enough and that I would never be comfortable.
With that in mind, I did my best to stay open minded and I let Dustin share information with me. I would watch videos and I asked as many questions as possible. Eventually I got comfortable enough to hold them, practice with him and eventually I started practicing dry fire in our room when I was alone to get over the nerves. I’m a bit of a perfectionist and I was embarrassed that I didn’t know what I was doing and for a long time, I let that fear hold me back. When we found out we were pregnant with our son, about 1.5 years into this journey, I seriously started considering the idea of carrying but I told myself I could never be one of those women. I didn’t know any women that carried and how could I make it work with clothing, babies, or going to the bathroom? Slightly silly questions looking back, but when you’re looking for a reason NOT to do something, you’ll pretty much justify it in any way.
Fast forward over a year later and I was going to have to go on a trip back to my home city with my son. Part of this time Dustin would be in Tennessee and wouldn’t be with me. By this time I had gotten accustomed to unloading, loading, dry fire, and sleeping with my firearm on my bedside table. Dustin knew I was getting more comfortable and to help that journey along he purchased me my first firearm that I could comfortably use without fear of the slide being too heavy, especially with sweaty palms, under pressure- another fear of mine. Knowing that I would have to travel out of state and couldn’t carry unless I had my actual permit, I decided to go all in.
I wanted to be able to protect myself and my son all of the time. I had finally lost enough weight from my pregnancy where I felt comfortable carrying on my body and since then, almost 9 months ago, I’ve become extremely passionate about women’s self defense. I’ve found such camaraderie in the community of women online who are genuinely trying to ease fears and help women take their self defense back into their own hands. In a world that is constantly telling us to be afraid and watch our backs, then in the same sentence reminding us that if we embrace the 2nd amendment we are a “danger to society", we need all of the support that we can get.
Now I get that not everyone can carry everyday and that there are other options out there to choose from. That being said, I really encourage you to face whatever fears you may be having. Get to the root of them and explore your options. Coming out on the other side of this, knowing that I have so much to learn still- which is truly exciting.
I can confidently say that the majority of my fears have been alleviated just by spending time dedicated to learning, following these women who are teaching me what it looks like to live a lifestyle of awareness and conquering the day to day logistics that I know truly overwhelmed me in the beginning (especially dressing the part). Praise Report: I have learned how to conceal with overalls, dresses and even some jumpsuits & rompers! All of that said, if you’re just getting started on this journey, take your time, trust your intuition, plug into this community and tackle one fear at a time.