Fear is a Liar
Welcome to the #stylemecommunity Danielle. Thank you for sharing your story with us.
Name: Danielle | Suprise, AZ | Connect: Instagram | Facebook
I am the granddaughter, daughter, niece, cousin, and wife of police officers and my relationship with guns has three very distinct stages: non-existent, afraid, and empowered. Before I was 12, I knew that the cops in my life carried weapons on-duty and that some of them carried off-duty (I never saw my grandfather or my dad carry off-duty), but really never thought about it. My house wasn't the house that had a lot of guns and my dad never shot outside of work, that I knew of. Guns just didn't play a role in my life. All of that changed when I was 12.
The very first friend I ever met toddled into my life before Kindergarten. Michelle lived next door to my aunt's house, where I spend nearly every day. She was the first one I saw nearly every day and I couldn't tell you how many hours we spent together. While we had our arguments and disagreements, but she was a safe place for me until the night our little community was rocked by her death..
In January 1989, Michelle's father shot and killed her, then her brother, and then himself...all in the home next door to my aunt's. From the moment I learned about her death, I was terrified of guns. I was thankful when my dad would get dressed at work rather than home so I didn't have to see his gun. When I met the man I now call my husband of nearly 23 years, I was devastated to learn he was a gun enthusiast. He asked me to marry him and when we started looking for homes, I asked him to sell many of the guns he had collected over the years. He knew I was afraid of guns and was uncomfortable with them in the house, but tried to help me through that fear. It didn't work. He sold many of his guns to make me happy. I'm not proud of what I asked him to do, but I just didn't understand why anyone wanted to have a gun in the house. I naively thought bad things wouldn't happen to us, that we live "in a safe place."
A lot of years later, we worked through a lot my fear. My husband taught me about gun safety and why it's important to be proactive regarding home defense and personal safety. I got more comfortable with him buying guns and storing them in our family gun safe. But it took me 32 years and being robbed twice at work to overcome the last of my fears and to hold and shoot a gun at the range with my husband. When we went to the range a few weeks ago, I was beyond scared. I'm not sure what the word would be for it, but I was paralyzed until my husband told me, "You are in charge of this. You have the control and you are responsible for your safety, We'll do this safely," And we did. He was patient with me and didn't make fun of me when I cried. And then we shot and I felt the control that he talked about. A lot changed at that range date and I'm so thankful to have someone patient, loving, and knowledgeable to help me as I start to consider my concealed carry lifestyle.
My life has two parts--before Michelle and after. I still miss her every single day, my life has been forever changed by her death, and I am afraid of what happens when we don't deal with mental health in this country. But I am not afraid of what happens when women make the decision to carry. And while it may not be for everyone, I'm encouraged to know that if it IS for me, I can do it safely and wisely with a community that has paved the way.